Today I heard a girl say: "I just don't get Easter. It's not even a religious holiday, it's just made by Cadbury to sell more chocolate"

Today I heard some girl say: "And It Doesnt Even Matter That Were First Cousins"

Today I heard someone say "Oh look a letter from my asshole father." (opens letter) "He only sent me 200 dollars this week."

Today I heard a girl on the phone: "My roommate has H1N1, at least it's not swine..."

Today I heard: Girl 1: OMG! I'm so addicted to farmville! Girl 2: I know! Me too! Last night when I was having sex with my boyfriend all I had in the back of my mind was that my strawberries were going to die!

Today I heard when I was in line to buy a new DVD player. The woman in front of me was having something delivered. The clerk asked for her 'street name' she replied "I don't have one I go by Shanice."

Today I heard my prof say:"If you search my name in Google you will likely get a number of hits. Mostly because of my brief stint in the porn industry"

Today I heard: Guy 1: is it weird that a 67 year old woman friended me on facebook and her interests included children, grandchildren and making love... Guy 2: hahaha! i can't believe my grandma friended you!

Today I heard a guy talking to his mom say "DID YOU EAT MY FUCKIN' NUTS?!?!?!........ Oh, sorry mom, nevermind, I found it in my fanny pack.... love you, bye."

Today I heard: Girl: Is it ok that I sit in the front? Cab driver: Yea you're ok, its the black people you have to look out for.

Today I heard a girl say: "did you know, the United States is the most overweight Country in America"

Today I heard a GIRL say: "I've been taking the MANLIEST dumps recently!"

Today I heard: Girl 1: Did you take that plagarism test? Girl 2: Yeah, why? Girl 1: Can I copy it?