Today I heard while waiting to start a test: Girl to class: "Good luck everybody!" Professor to girl: "You don't get invited to many parties do you?"

Today I heard two girls say: 1st Girl: I know it was super slutty, but god damn, going down on that guy was fun 2nd Girl: Well at least I knew my guys name before I got that far

Today I heard a girl on the phone: "My roommate has H1N1, at least it's not swine..."

Today I heard in class: Prof: It's where you get a little rub-a-dub!
 Girl: *laughs* Prof: What? I said rub-a-dub, not rub and tug. 


Today i heard in class: Prof: "As a philosopher I promised myself I would never name in this class..." 
Student: "Voldemort??"
Prof: *hangs head*..."You guys break my heart"

Today I heard a girl say: "Oh, my god, I LOVE walking. It's like running? Only slower?"

Today I heard someone say that H1N1 doesn't exist and is a government and media scam to scare people

Today I heard a brown guy say: "It's hard to see brown girls in the dark"

Today I heard: girl 1: so i checked out the price of the gym 
girl 2: oh yeah... is it expensive? 
girl 1: it's $40.00 every two weeks. 
girl 2: OH! WOW! $60.00 a month isn't bad at all!

Today I heard some girl say: "And It Doesnt Even Matter That Were First Cousins"

Today I heard a guy say: "They better have some good protein today. Is that fuckin' shrimp? They got fuckin' stir fry up in this bitch? Shit just got fuckin' real bra"

Today I heard a girl say: "..he won't even talk to me, but he fertilized my crops on farmville"

Today I heard a guy say: its weird scratching my face after scratching your balls"